31 May 2015

Why I don't run.

Everyone seems to run.
But they don't do it qietly and enjoy themselves doing it. No! They run and take photographs. Before, during and after running. And they post their photos on Facebook, share them on Instagram, tweet their results. ALL of them. So, there was me last year. Quite happy that the pregnancy went well, the baby was born and healthy, breastfeeding helped a lot losing the babyweight. BUT I didn't run. And for some reason, I wanted to run, too. So I bought a new pair of runners, downloaded fitness apps on my phone, got a fitness tracker and 6 weeks after Alfie was born, I put him into his pram, stuck my poor body into running gear and off I went. And it SUCKED. Man, did it suck... there was NO joy. I felt shite after the first time, after the second time, after the third time. Sweat ran into my eyes and made me cry. My face turned purple after the first few minutes running, sometimes, the baby got fed up and his face turned purple, too. It was NO fun. "It will get better! You will enjoy it, just stuck to your routine!" That's what the running friends kept telling me. It didn't get better. Well... I performed better after a while, but the whole running/sweating/muskle pain stuff just SUCKED. I cried. I so WANTED to join in the running hype. And I tried for about a month to discover any joy. I just didn't. It didn't make me happy, I even felt GUILTY not to be a happy runner. How SILLY.
Maybe pushing the pram while running didn't help. Maybe always running on my own didn't. Maybe my body had needed a longer break to put all the hormones back into their places. Maybe running was just not for me. I don't know.
I just gave up.
I went to the gym a few times. I liked it a lot more than running. But organising the day around my gym time was very stressful for me, too. And sometimes I was just too tired. So I gave up the gym. And I decided to focus on healthy eating, first. To lose the baby weight. Now... THAT worked a lot better.
And now I don't care any more. I was pregnant twice. I gave birth to my baby boy only 13 months ago. I'm always tired. My BMI tells me that my weight is "normal". I want to enjoy the time with my kids instead of heading to some fitness classes as soon as I find some time. I am happy with my body now. Some parts are a bit wobbly, there are marks and stripes, dents and creases. That's FINE! I'm NOT a model, Gerd loves me the way I am, and so do the kids. I wear size M or 10/12. My time to do some sports I REALLY like, will come. Some day.
But for now, I only want to be happy.
And I am happier if I DON'T run.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for being so honest! Is there a chance for reading about your healthy eating project soon? Like your favorite recipes or how you tackle feeding your family something healthy when all they want is crisps and chocolate (um, that is only me, now that I think about it... :-)...)
    Hugs from over the ocean,
    Cati

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  2. Great post Lena, can absolutely relate! So important to listen to what your own body needs/wants :)

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